Saturday, September 13, 2008



We are very tired, but now we can have some rest.
Half of the safety divers have got an ear infection. The other half got sunburnt to alarming levels.
Stavros' nose is falling off his face.
One is still unusable because of the countdown syndrome, one got a middle ear barotrauma.
Some other got lost on the way. If there was one more competition day, there would not be safety divers left to cover that.

This is me, doing laps in between official tops. The doctor told me at my age i should move a bit to fight the advancing arthritis.

I’m not going to speak about results since I’m sure everybody know them better than me.
But the most amazing news i have today is that i caught Sebastian laughing. Not only: he was laughing reading my blog!! And since i agree that it sounds unbelievable, i took pictures of the event, so i can prove it.
Come on, how many people on the planet can claim they can make Sebastian laugh? Somebody give me a medal.

These last days i noticed people were behaving very strangely with me. They either run away as soon as I approached them, or they were very nice to me (which is not normal, because there's no reason to be nice to me).
I think those are signs of the Blog Syndrome, who affects those that don't want to be mentioned in my blog.
I wonder why.

We collected some data, and we found out that the chance of a BO is bigger if you were diving in line and lane B. I did all my safety in A, and we had no BO in CWT, and as for DYN we had one BO the first day and two on the second day.
Overall, in CWT, there were only 2 BO and 2 heavy sambas, all in line B.
In DYN, 8 BO, 5 of them in lane B.
All in all i only got to rescue 1 diver in 4 diving days! I would have had one more during DYN, but since it was a pretty girl (Liv), Stavros invaded my zone and took her.

Mandy had a BO after the 150m turn.
Russian Alexey came up at 175 and lost it before he realized.
Kiwi Ant keeps trying to make me cry, and got a BO at around 210. I didn't cry, because at the same time i was watching a bad exit on my lane, so i didn't see it happening.
Kiwi Will tried 200, but had a massive samba and messed up the SP.
Even Martin was very close to pass out after less than 160m.
Athletes claim that the hot pool must be blamed for the dodgy exits. Some said they had very late contractions, but then it gets very ugly very quickly and it's already too late.

Hot Johan had a very heavy samba. Being hot in a hot pool doesn't really help i guess.
Is this why most of the hot guys had bad exits?
Anyways, I was next to him ready to take him, and as he was all shaky and trying not to lose it, he looked at me, and immediately snapped back to life.
Now one might think it is a good sign; he saw me, got impressed, and woke up.
But what if instead he woke up when he realized i would have been the one kissing him if he passed out? Which is definitely not a good sign.
However, he got a red card for late SP, and i'm really sorry for him. Even if he doesn't want to kiss me.

The other hottie, Juraj, came up clean after 170. I'm sure he could add an extra 25 mt with no extra effort just by waxing his back thus eliminating some extra resistance. I know waxing is painful, but i'm against shaving: makes the hair horribly thicker, grows back immediately, and it's a real turn off during the romantic moments.
Next year I'll take with me loads of wax, and offer free treatments to the hot single guys. The others will have to pay.

The Italian team was a bit of a shame for the Italian nation, but then came Federico and did a easy 175 with no training whatsoever.
Davidino came up after 100m saying "sorry, but i don't like it!". That was why i suggested he did his DYN holding a speargun, and that we put a big fish on his lane. He could do a WR like that. But they didn't listened to me.
Ilaria, who sometimes doesn't behave very smart, had one of her nonsmart moments when she surfaced.
While she was waiting for the judgment she must have got bored, and decided to take off her fin. Dipping her face.
Dumb syndrome?
Judge for yourself:

Oh sorry, that was the one where she looks smart. The next is the one.

Sofus, after seeing David king walking around with nail polish on his feet, got jealous, and showed up with women shades. Big dark lenses encased in a brown and golden frame. Stylish.

Thank God Weine doesn't have a dick on his back anymore. He must have got back to his senses. Now he behaves very manly again. He screamed like a wrestler before his dive to pump himself up, as he did after, to scare his samba away. It worked.
Weine got very upset with me because i didn't put his picture in the hotties section. So i put one here now, hoping to make him happy. He deserves respect, because he's the only person i know that wants to appear in this blog.

Oh, I almost forgot. Kiwi Dave did another WR. He seemed completely bored as he was standing there on the pool edge waiting for his judgment. Everybody is wondering what secret he's hiding. What did he find out that we didn't, damn it?

Overall i had a very good time. If they take the static out from the next team WC i will apply to be in the safety team again. If not, I'll compete. Or i can apply to go there as the official reporter, if somebody want to sponsor me.

Strangely enough I'm still single. But luckily i didn't lose any member of the Spinsters Team. I post another picture of the team here, and maybe somebody will volunteer to take one (or more) of us out of spinsterhood.

I suggest on the next edition the organizer provides extra medals. For the hottest guy, for the dumbest freediver, for the funniest samba, for the best freediving tan. And I want to be the judge.

About Judges, here pics of the evil lot.

Judge Bill. He's pretty evil, but if you are a girl with a pretty bum, let him squeeze it, and you'll buy yourself a white card.

Judge Grant. Try corrupt him with a doughnut.

Judge Kimmo. Incorruptible.

Judge Marcello. I don't know him very well, but being originally from southern Italy there must be several ways to buy his "protection".

Judge Susan. She's nice, and seems very straight. But being Dutch you can try bribe her with good pot.

Last but not least, Ute. She is very German, and definitely not corruptible.

As for the real gossip, like who slept with who, and who got embarrassingly shitfaced during the party, you can request them by mail at this address:
Charge is 5 euro a piece.

Thanks God this is over, because i don't have any friends left to lose :-)

Tuesday, September 9, 2008



What did I say about enjoying so much doing the safety instead than competing?
I take it back. Safetying at a static competition is the most boring business I’ve ever been involved in. I even had more fun in school, during the math classes.

The only few highlights consist in the (unfortunately few) sambas and bo’s.

Danish Sofus had the funniest samba I’ve ever seen. If somebody has pictures or a video about that, please send it to me. You’ll be rewarded. He still got a white card.

Teammate Henning also had a samba, a cute one, but not as funny. Another white card.

Kiwi Ant had a black out, throwing the chance of a medal. I was co-judging his performance (it’s just a funky way to say I was a timekeeper), and since I have a soft spot for him, seeing his BO filled my eyes with tears. But I restrained myself from crying, since I still have a reputation to maintain. I’m a well known unsympathetic bitch.

Sweet Liv had a red card for doing the protocol to the coach Rob. In a way I can understand why she’d rather see his friendly smile than Judge Bill Nordic frozen stare. But she should have restrained herself for few seconds.

Italian Davidino, also known as the Bimbo, did a happy 5 thirthysomething on what looked like a passive exhale. Here you see him just before his top

Lotta entertained the whole pool (except the athletes that were trying to prepare for their performances) with one of her famous pre-performance breakdowns. For unknown reasons she got very upset with her coach Sebastian, and everybody could hear her yelling and crying until 2 minutes before her official top. She resumed the yelling and the crying as soon as she did her SP, after 5.30.
Coach Sebastian handled that very well. He stayed, and didn’t run away as many would have done. But later on he displayed post-traumatic shock symptoms.
Doctors feared he would develop a condition that affected most of Lotta’s coaches in the past years, known as the Ericson Syndrome, of which the scientists didn't find a cure yet.
Sebastian cured himself the day after with a static performance done as opener, after which he had his usual samba, which burned few of the short memory cells, thus forgetting the traumatic episode, and now he looks happy again.

Speaking about syndromes, Safety Alex got one too. It’s called Countdown Syndrome, and it’s affecting those that soon after their Judge course are put with a microphone at the side of the pool, doing the official countdown for the competition. His very first countdown. He did look a bit worried. He was briefed properly, but something must have happened, and he messed it up completely. He was quickly replaced with Judge Susan, and since then he’s been seen walking aimlessly around the pool mumbling numbers to himself. Sometimes he snaps back to consciousness and he sits at the restaurant eating a hot dog.

Here you can see him after one of these rare moments

I wish I had a result list here with me, but I don’t so I have no clue about most of the other performances, and especially about the overall results. The only thing I know is that the Greek are first, 23 points ahead of the French.
I just sent Rob the King to look for a list to steal. Knowing the guy I doubt he can get himself to steal anything. But since he’s a lawyer, I’m hoping his real nature kicks in, and he’ll finally get mean and sneaky like any worthy lawyer.
Actually this reminds me that I already broke the promise I made him less than half hour ago. I promised I was going to be nice to him for the whole day today, since he allowed me to use his computer and his aircon to write the blog.
On the other hand, he should know better than expecting me to be nice.
Oh well, since I started this, I’m going to add something. Ever since Greek Stavros left Rob’s room and went in the other hotel with the rest of the safety, Rob, feeling very lonely, has been sleeping with a wetsuit placed on one side of his double bed, unfolded in a human-like figure. I’m not the only witness to it. Guillaume saw it too (and don’t ask me what Guillaume was doing in his room, because I do not know).

The swimming pool, which temperature is probably above the mid thirties, to which we refer affectionately like the pissing pool, is a soup of human fluids, snot, spit, body hair, toenails (Sara and Anna have been spotted pedicuring on the pool edge) and bacteria. You look at it, and you get an ear infection.
I had this conversation with some people, and I found out people pee in the pools. I couldn’t believe that.
Call me naïve, but I didn’t know that people are actually relieving their bladders in swimming pools. I always believed the story of the chemicals that make the water red if you pee in it. Once I even had a nightmare about that: I was in a pool with my waterway model 2 (good old times!), and I couldn’t hold it anymore and without being able to control it, I did it. The water did become all red. I wanted to die. Everybody noticed and wanted to hurt me, so I got out and started running. I got on the street with my car key ready to drive away as fast as I could. And my car wasn’t there. Somebody stole it. I woke up all shaky.

About the pedicure, here's some proof

And guess who's foot is this

Yes, it's his: British David King, the most famous transexual in the freediving community.

The French coach saw him and got all excited. Here's a pic of him while is "coaching" Guillaume before his performance.

In order to deal with the pool temperature, the Nordic athletes (Finnish, Danish and Swedish) all showed up with dozens of water bottles containing half frozen water. The coaches were pouring the water on the athletes’ heads during the performances, and obviously it worked, because they were still able to do their usual good times.

One thing that doesn’t have anything to do with the static competition: yesterday morning I was out diving, and after a while British Stuart (member of the UK team, and former student of mine), showed up with not one, but two noodles. Was that a new technique to impress girls?
Oh, now I get it! It must be one of the symptoms of the Noodle Syndrome!

Swedish Hot Johan has apparently the same condition: Swedish team mate Weine has been walking around all morning with a big dick drawn on his back by Johan. It all happened in their room, on Weine’s bed…
Johan, if you read this please contact me. No, it’s not because I want one of your drawings, but remember you want a better picture for your Hotties Challenge? Don’t worry, I have the epilady for you.

Well, enough for today, I’m off diving with Rob and his noodle. Maybe I’ll get to sit on it for a while.


Finally i got a better picture of Johan. here we go

Ops, sorry, i got confused. I meant to put this one:

Friday, September 5, 2008


Today is a day off, hamdulilllah. We’ve been trying to sleep late this morning, but somehow the body went in automatic and I woke up at 7 again.

Plan of the day:
-sneak around and take pictures of the hotties
-eat like a pig
-look for some gossip

I also want to find out who are the hottest girls here. In my humble opinion, I would say the two girls of the safety team (both Freedive Dahab members), and also all the Spinsters team members but maybe I’m not really impartial here. So I’ll go and ask the guys.

By the way, if you want the phone number of any of the Spinsters’ team, drop me a mail and I’ll be happy to comply.

Here 2 pics of the official team (not considering Paoletta and Sara, who are only the reserves)

As for the trend of the year, I noticed all the vulgar jokes about mouthfills and swallowing have been dropped, and instead the most popular line you often hear when you are safetying or coaching is “can you grab my noodle?”
The one who say it more often is definitely Robert the King. He asked me many times. I don’t know if he does that with every other girl.
Yesterday I heard Kirk saying that (or better, screaming it) to safety Katya, in front of everybody. Mandy watch out.
I also heard guys saying that to each other… The other day I was distracted and forgot to grab Rob noodle’s as he asked me, and he gave it to Ricky instead. He said that when he's "in the zone" he doesn't really care who take his noodle.

I really think is a great ice breaker. Not only for a guy to use. Say you (girl) like this guy, you go there and say “do you mind if I seat on your noodle?” or “can I borrow your noodle” or, simply “mmmh, I like your noodle!”
Well, don’t forget he has to be a freediver, and he has to have a noodle (the floating one), or otherwise he would run away quick. Or maybe not.

Ok, let’s get back to the important things, like the real diving.
I’ve seen so many dives these last days, that I remember it all like a blur.
But for sure I remember the more remarkable ones.

First of all, I’d like to remark, once again, that very few freedivers know how to do a proper duck dive.
Next year (and I announce it here officially) Freedive Dahab will organize a half day workshop about duck diving at the WC 2009.
20 euro per person. If half the people who need it sign up, it’ll pay for sure our accommodation for the whole stay.
Also, there are a lot of freedivers that should consider taking a course before showing up at a competition, especially if it is a World Championship.
We give special price for groups.

German Barbara announced the shocking depth of 12mt.The plate was so shining that it blinded us all. Even she told the judges to “please put it at 12, at least”, looking a bit offended, like they were taking the piss.
Apparently, they say, she has so much trouble equalizing that she takes ages to get down. Well, not during that dive. With her powerful carbon fins she rocketed down and up quite fast. Maybe she should slow down and relax a bit; that might help her equalizing troubles. I’m rather sure that was the shallowest announcement in a World Championship.

Deepest dive was announced by Dave (Mullins), with 104. He went just after Ryuzo, who turned at 92 for equalizing problems, I think. Also Dave turned at 92, but because of the deepest announcement he lost more points.

The Kiwi team was actually the favourite, but because of this dive, and especially because of the 33 points penalty of Will, they ended up 5th in the overall result. Ant, my favourite kiwi member, announced “only” 82, and he did a very nice clean dive. His depth is only limited by equalizing, since he keeps losing his cheekful (as he cutely calls it).

Lots of 100 mt dives this year. One was delivered by Martin. One by Greek Manolis, who I think is ripe enough for a WR, but I thing he’s too humble and shy for fame, which I find a very sweet thing.
One more 100 was announced by Guillaume, who chickened out and turned at 98.5, losing 5 points. I can understand if you chicken out at 70 on the way down, thinking is still a long way to go, but Guillaume, 150 centimeters before the plate is silly! On the other hand he’s French, so normal logic doesn’t apply to him.
The last 100 was for Slovak Juraj, who, maybe knowing he was going to win the Hotties Challenge, got distracted and missed the rope on the surface before falling face down unconscious. Pity. But he delivered a very hot smile to the jury when he woke up. He should al least get some points for his perfectly white teeth.

Italian hottie Federico (he’s not on the Hot List just because he’s married and has a kid, just as Ant is, and therefore they are of no interest to the Spinsters team), delivered a beautiful 90, which is the new Italian record. The plan was to share the record with Davide Carrera, who did the same depth the day before, but did the SP half a second too late. Shame: who knows him a bit knows how much he deserves it.

The Italian Men Team is completed by Ilaria, who’s definitely not a man. She did a super easy 60 mt dive, with virtually no training at all. She’s back in competition after a long break, and I’m really happy about that, because she’s good, and because if we find a third member (and if I feel like competing again) we plan to kick asses on the next team competition. The only complain I have against Ilaria is that, like most freedivers she’s not fond of air condition, and she’s forcing me to sleep with no less than 29 degrees.
Why you people don’t like air con? It’s with no doubt the greatest invention of the last century. All these stories about how bad it’s for the sinuses are just myths. Wake up, and enjoy the artificial weather!

Other deep dives were the ones of French Christian (85), Greek Dimitrios (85), Hot Swedish Johan (85), Slovak Martin (81),Finnish Antero (80), French Morgan (80).

Russian Alexey announced 95, which he did very easily, but he got 10 points off for rope violation. Actually he scared me to death, since apparently he did have a BO during the warm-up, and the judges let him dive anyways. As soon as he duck dived I screamed for Stavros to come on my line and to go deep together in case he had a problem. Poor Stavros was still trying to catch his breath after the deep safety for Federico, and he wasn’t looking too happy about the possibility of a deep BO. As it turned out we never made it deeper than 15mt, since there was some mistake on Alexey divetime (which we expected to be 3.15), and he was much quicker than we thought. He came up looking very happy and relaxed. Until he got the yellow card.

The deepest female divers were Natalia (unsurprisingly) with a easy 85 mt, followed by Mandy with 8o mt.
Third deepest was Chzek Jarmila, who already won the Gold last year for CNF. She did a clean 70mt dive.
Other females in the 60 mt range were Brazilian Carol (67) and Russian Natalia (Avseenko) (65) who got both red card but then protested and won (many expressed doubts about the change of the jury decisions). Japanese females all between 60 and 63, all white cards. French Julie (62), American Annabel (61), Italian Ilaria (60), Danish Maria (60), Swedish Annelie did 60 with an almost broken foot.
British MT did 60 but got 50 points for rope violation. American Jessica announced 62 but turned earlier, German Anna announced 60 but turned at 55 disturbed by a cramp.

Now i'm off for some pic hunting. Will get back as soon as i have some good material.


Got the pictures of the Hottie Challenge!!

This is winner Juraj

And this is winner Johan (I have to admit he doesn't look at his best here, will try to get a better shot)

Thursday, September 4, 2008


As usual, things happen, and I’m always late with the updates.
Fact is, I’ve been so busy enjoying myself that I forgot all about my plan of keeping a daily diary on the blog.

The first person I met when I arrived was Guillaume, who finally found out and read my abusive pages about French people on July’s blog, and thought of avenging his fellow countrymen honour by disgracing the Italian population. He threatened me to write an article and reveal some of the things he is witnessing during his stay here in Sharm. Very embarrassing things. And to take pictures to prove them.
If you’ve ever been in a holiday resort for Italians (such as the one we are staying here during WC) you will know immediately which embarrassing things I’m talking about.
Anyways, I thought that was the brightest idea a Frenchman has ever had. I begged him to do that, and promised I’ll post it myself here on this blog.
He said he would work on it, so I’m waiting.

here's a pic of Guillaume with Gianpiero, the shortest safety diver in the world.

This year, the biggest change for me is that I’m here not as a competing athlete, but as a member of the safety team. And it’s being such a blast, that I decided this is all I want to do in a competition from now on.
When I’ve been competing I was always super stressed. When I’ve been judging I was often very bored. But being here as safety is just very funky.

First you get to see every single dive.
You get to see all the black outs and sambas.
If you are lucky you even get to kiss the unconscious good looking freedivers (the ugly ones I leave for the second safety)

Other minor advantages include:
-working on your lactic acid tolerance when you come back from 30 meters with bifins trying to keep up with Ryuzo or Guillaume
-get to congratulate first with every diver (especially the good looking ones)
-kick all the intruders out of the official zone (makes the safety diver feel powerful and important)
-wear the beautiful lycra t-shirt that Marco and Ricky designed for the safety staff
-not having judge Bill checking your lanyard (and invariably breaking it) the night before your dive
-getting to look at the hot Tec diver (the fit one) sitting on the boat edge all morning (waiting to dive in case of a deep accident)
-not having to pay attention during the boring meetings when everybody ask the same questions every single time (and every single year!)

here some pics of the meeting, with various people falling alseep or looking totally stoned

On the other hand, there are some disadvantages.
At the moment, the only one I can come up with is to float in the sea for 5 hours a day with such a rough weather that you risk banging your head against the platform and die.
But then again, it was very funny when the platforms were swinging so wildly under the staff ass to the point several of them fell. My favourite falls were Judge Bill, and rope boy rasta Marco.

here a pic of the safety team 2008

and here one where Ricky is showing his skills as a sinchronized swimmer...he was even wearing waterproof make up, but unfortunately you cannot see it here

The Italian spinsters’ team (of which I am an honourable member) had a votation today to decide who is the hottest Freediver of this year. (Other members being Angela, Silvia-better known as Pina-, plus a married one, Sara and a wannabe spinster, Paoletta)

We came up with two names, Swedish Johan and Slovak Juraj.
I will take pictures of the two and post them here.
If somebody want to file a protest you have 15 minutes.

i just got the team results after the CWT.
1.France, with 260 points
-Nery 98
-Maldame 85
-Bourchis 80

2.Greece, with 257 points
-Giankos 100
-Chatziaslan 85
-Tzaveraliz 72

3.Chzek Republic, with 247 points
-Stepanek 100
-Zlatuska 75
-Vala 72

1.Russia, with 205 points
-Molchanova 85
-Suryakova 55
-Avseenko 65

2.Japan, with 183 points
-Matsumoto 60
-Hirai 63
-Kitahama 60

3.USA, with 171 points
-Wilson 57
-Edwards 60
-Russell 53

I'm afraid for today this will be it. Tomorrow is a day off, so i hope i'll have some time to write some gossip :-)